Puke Thief's Tails and Trails

I got my first kill! I got my first kill! Man oh man am I psyched! I've been smelling this mouse in the cabinet all day and Mom called Dad into investigate once I gave them the "sign" - that's when I go nuts, start whining, the whole shebang. Dad finally found the right cabinet, the one under the stove top where they hide the garbage from me. Dad took out the garbage and the little brown critter ran out towards the fridge, boy did Mom scream! It ran behind the fridge and Dad pulled it out a little bit, then a bit more, and a little bit more. Then he pulled out this bag that had fallen behind the fridge and it ran up the fridge power cord and sat on top of the plug for a bit. Dad grabbed an old cooler they don't use any more to try and catch it and it ran off and I was hot on it's tail! It hid itself in one of Dad's old Freebirds shirts and I was sniffing and sniffing and finally found the little bastard. I just bit down over and over until I made sure I had a good grip but I think I got the squeaker - it was a lot easier than when I have to dig it out of my normal toys. This kind of toy had some sauce that tasted kind of good, too. Dad made me drop it on the laundry room floor and now I don't know where it went. Dad did flush the toilet a couple of times, called me a really good boy and gave me a cookie! I was so excited I couldn't even eat it. Now I'm on the hunt for the next mouse - know where any more are?

I FINALLY got to go hashing again last Sunday, Mom noticed I was getting really antsy and told Dad to take me along. His leg was sore that day from some bug bite, so I thought I was going to be really bored waiting at the beer checks, but at least I knew there were goodies at the end! Dad walked me around the parking lot and I was so excited, I thought everyone I saw was going to start running, and I was itching to get going, but Dad just kept on holding me back. Suddenly, people were leaving and to my wonderous surprise, Dad gave my leash to this nice lady named Miss New Booty. MNB was so much lighter than Dad, I felt like I could really pull her along. It was so cold that day, I felt like I could pull the whole time.

It was a long trail and most of the pack had gotten way ahead of us. MNB's kid was with MNB and her Mom Baby G, I don't remember his name, but he is a spaz - I think it's because he's so young. It's odd because he looks so much like Smut Mutt's kid, Shadow I think his name is, and they are complete opposites. Anyway, we were a long way out and I knew where to go because I could smell the alcohol, fear, and pain coming from Slut Slinger, MNB and Baby G even let pick where to go! Dad never does that, but I think it's because I like to go underneath briars every chance I get.

We finished after awhile and I got to have my treats - hot dogs and cheese curls! Life is good sometimes.

Thanks to Miss New Booty for bringing me along!

So three months between posts isn't bad, is it? I didn't get a chance to do the races this year. By the time we got there, the races were over! Well, that'll give me another year to train at least.

Dad hasn't made it to the hashes too much lately, I think it' s the heat. One of the last times I went, I was finished in less than two miles - and so was Dad. The sad part is that his 69th run is so close, he just needs to make it to a few more. He's been going somewhere else on Sundays. He's not hashing because he doesn't have his shorts on and there's no hat. I think he said "Sorry Sam, gotta go to comedy class for the next few weeks." I guess I can understand that, and it's not so bad with all the adventures I've had lately!

I learned how to play with Keever's boy Cooper - he's kind of an upstart, but we like to wrassle. He's getting so dang tall that I have to keep on getting on my hiney-toes just to try and keep up.

A couple of weeks ago, I had an unexpected visitor. This really skinny white guy came in through the door I use to go potty. He seemed nervous but I didn't mind, I always love visitors. What was really cool was when two more new visitors showed up dressed in what I think is a blue uniform and they had these big black things on their hips and had these shiny badges on their shirts. The skinny white guy got really nervous and ran out the back door, right into the arms of a badge-guy that was waiting for him. Dad came home really soon after everyone had left the house, he gave me a quick pat and then left again, sigh.

I've been a little upset with Mom and Dad lately. I have to keep the raccoons and rats out of the house and out of the crawlspace door and that requires me to bark LOUDLY! They finally believed me when Dad met the raccoon that's been eating all of my food out of the kitchen. This morning, Mom screamed louder than I can bark and Dad came running down and saw what I've been seeing all along - a rat! I saw and smelled it go into a corner and I was pretty sure it was still there 'cause I could smell it. Dad saw it somewhere else, got a pot and I guess he caught it. I still smell them in the fireplace, so I wonder if I'm going to have to keep on explaining to Mom and Dad that there are some issues.

Well, that's pretty much the last couple of months. Just remember, if your ass smells, lick it clean.

I've heard some rumors that I don't write my own posts... let's just let this picture speak a thousand barks.

Sorry it's been a while. My dad forgot to put the chair close enough to the desk for me to type. He kept thinking I just wanted a cookie, and I didn't say no when he offered one. I usually forgot that I wanted to post anyway. There's been a few good trails. The best one I remember was being the FRB at the Chuck Norris trail. I keep wondering when I'm going to get my OnOn foot. I think the Body keeps "forgetting I'm there" because he's jealous of me or something since I am Tits R 4 Tricks favorite. (I love her meat.)

It's getting hotter I was tired for 2 days after helping lay trail last Sunday. It was nice to see Father Bob but I miss my friend Todd and my friend Phineas and my friend Sara - I must be getting old to miss so many friends so soon.

Only one more month till the races. I hope I'll be ready.

Man oh man oh man, last Sunday was AWESOME! Trail went on forever, it was something like 63 weiner dog miles. I got caught up in some brambles again and Dad had to take my leash off to untangle it. When a thorn or burr gets in my paw I just stop and look at Dad, Dad takes it out and all is well again. At the end of the trail, Dad wrapped me in a towel and put me in a suitcase. It was nice and warm so I fell asleep right away - Dad even brought me some orange food - I love the end of the trail almost as much as the trail itself. I slept for two days straight after that trail, too tired to even lick my own butthole!

This week has been pretty slow, Mom's been so busy that she doesn't play with me and Dad has been going out a lot - wish I could come with. I don't bite people, but if I did, I could bite anybody's butt. I jump really high. I can jump on to the tallest beds and even over baby gates. I hurt my back once, though, so I've been more cautious. I want to be the fastest weiner dog ever, that's a picture of me when I ran in the Buda Weiner Dog Races coming out of gate two - I won this heat! Too bad Dad didn't have time to go back the next day. I can't wait until Sunday.

Man, I AM SOOO BORED! We did a double walk last Sunday, but haven't done anything since then. Dad came back from the Hash and told me it was a good thing I wasn't there. I don't agree. I'm ready to tear something up! I know what my parents do when they leave - they go play with other dogs, go for long walks, pee on trees... ooh they make me so mad! Every time I see Dad, I think we're going on a walk. He just pats my head and starts making dinner - without dropping food on the floor. He'll occasionally drop an ice cube, and that's a good start, but if he could be more like Mom, I sure would like it. I stopped trying to get my Dad to give me food when he started giving me these strange green balls. The inside is really tasty, but the outside makes me sneeze and it burns my tongue. I think Dad called it "wasaaaabi peeenuts" or something like that. Dad's telling me that next Sunday will be fun, hopefully I'll get to go out again soon.

Dad got home late tonight - he smelled funky! I loved it! Mom made him take a shower. Dad's got some great scratches on his legs that I just love to lick. Mom was upstairs writing emails so I got a great chance to lick them when he came upstairs. Another 'poof'' came out of my butt while I was licking and again they laughed and waved their paws at me. I can't wait until the next hash. Dad smells like flowers when he gets out of the shower.

Went hashing with my Dad on Sunday - so many briars! Dad kept on getting mad when I'd pull him into more briars, but he liked it when I helped pull him up muddy hills. There was this crazy lady on trail who kept on crying, but we just kept on trucking! What usually keeps me going are the goodies at the end. Dad calls it the On-In. I was a good dog and got my first peanut butter and banana sandwich at the end. I was really tired when we got back home. It felt really good to curl up on the couch and sleep! Sometimes when I'm just hanging out and doing nothing a strange noise will come out of my butt. Dad and Mom laugh and fan me when it happens. I love my parents.